Trust the Gene Genie

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Old Letterman for the New Year

I tried to blog on Saturday and couldn't really think of anything substantial to write. I'm clearly out of practice. So to tide you and me over, I'm going to spread a little Letterman love. That's not a bad thing.

Below are a couple of Top Ten lists from the good days, back when Letterman was on NBC and was genuinely fresh and funny. Not that he isn't funny now, I'm not going bad-mouth Dave. But a simple comparison of Top Ten lists from then and now reveal enough.

And the sad thing, and maybe that's why I'm posting this, is that these lists --well the first one really -- are as pertinent today as they were 15 years ago. I blame you, W.

Here they are -- and if you want to know how serious I am, there's no cutting and pasting involved here. I'm typing these in by hand from my own personal copy of "Roman Numeral Two!"

Top Ten Government Euphemisms for a Recession

10. Lifestyle downscaling opportunity
9. Our Little Problem
8. The ugly, stupid cousin of robust growth
7. Something for '30s nostalgia buffs
6. Cheap meat-eatin' days
5. A treat for our bankruptcy lawyer friends
4. A good time to switch to RC Cola
3. Still a hell of a lot better than any country in South America, pal
2. The National Bummer
1. It's Krazy Dollar Days!

Some Guy Named Jim's Top Ten Names For His New Hat Store

10. Jimbo's Cap Shack
9. Jim's Brims
8. Admiral Jim's Hats Ahoy!
7. The Jim O'Shantery
6. Hats 'R' Jim
5. Jim's Bulletproof/Knifeproof/Spitproof Hats (New York City only)
4. Jim, Your Hat Smells Terrific
3. Wally's Hat Shop (under new management)
2. If You Don't Want a Hat, Then Screw You
1. Colonel Jim's Kentucky Fried Hats

(No. 4 makes me laugh so hard I cry.)

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