Sick and tired (mostly)

I'm back from the dead.

Not really. I wasn't really dead. I just felt that way for about 12 hours late Sunday night and early Monday morning. I puked violenlty a couple times and had the runs. I even fell asleep on the floor by the bathroom door for about 20 minutes in the middle of the night. Although it was a particularly bad strain of the stomach flu that took me down, I realize that drunks go through the same experience nearly every weekend. And so I come to the conclussion that I didn't miss much by staying away from the fire water in college. (Is it culturally insensative to use the term "fire water"? I hope not. Because it sounds funny when I say it to myself.)

While sick, Leigh, my 4-year-old who you may remember as being hilarious, told me she knew what germ I had. Intrigued, I asked her what kind. She said it was green and round and looked kind of like a grape. But uglier. Yes, they're learning about germs in preschool and obviously it has made an impact. You keep at it, Tiger.

So, Diana (Dinah), you were in San Francisco and then I was sick. Otherwise I would have called you more promptly for your birthday.

Also, Led Zeppelin is going to reunite for a single show in London later this year. As much as I respect The Who, this isn't like The Who, who reunite and tour on a fairly regular basis with progressively fewer original band members each time. I mean, after John Entwistle died a few years ago, it got a little disrespectful.

You have to understand, Led Zeppelin doesn't really reunite. Sure, Robert Plant and Jimmy Page have gotten together a few times and done a few live shows. But they never billed themselves as Zeppelin -- though, they pretty much were. And now this reunion involves not just Plant and Page, but bassist John Paul Jones and, since John Bonham has died -- the reason the band broke up in the first place and decided not to continue on as Led Zeppelin -- Bonham's son will take his place. That's about as close as you can get to the original band.

And it's just one show and it's for charity. And that's cool.

So, don't be afraid to love Led Zeppelin, I guess is what I'm saying. They're out there doing it right.

I can't explain

I've got something to share. I rarely post viral videos on the blog simply because they're viral, which means you've already seen them 15 times by the time someone comes up to you and tells you should see them. Also, posting virals on your blog is this decade's equvilalent to last decade's crime of fowarding on those "Don't delete this if you love America" e-mails. Or, more recenlty, posting lolcats pictures.

But, I've got to show you this because it is absolutely without a doubt the most frighteningly disturbing musical performance I have ever seen in my entire life. You're right. It does involve Celine Dion.

Remember, I don't do this lightly. But it's something that simply requires viewing to be believed. It's also Exhibit A in the argument that Celine should be loaded aboard the next shuttle mission and jettisoned into space once the earth's gravitational pull has been broken.

So without further ado, here's Celine performing AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long." Her air guitar alone will make you want to rip your ears off your head and fashion them into a blindfold to cover your eyes. I'm not being dramatic. It's that bad. And watch for the smug, self-acknowledging nod she gives the audience at the 27-second mark. It sums it all up:

Good morning!

It's Sept. 11, which, I think, most everyone is aware of. (The above photo of Kissinger is there just to make you smile and to remind you, it's alright to have fun at the expense of public figures and/or old people.) Anway, I just had a thing or two I wanted to add to the national conversation. For all our sakes, I'll try to avoiding sounding maudlin or sanctimonious or self-righteous or glib or smug.

I just wanted to point out that Osama's still at large. And that we literally gave up the hunt for him to invade Iraq. And that Iraq had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11. And that our invasion of Iraq has created new and angrier terrorists. As well as cost the lives of more Americans. And I know this comes across as such a cliche in today's political climate, but someone please tell me how Pres. Bush could have screwed up this country any worse. I think he's done wrong just about everything he could have done wrong.

And did I mention we never caught Osama.

Anyway, my point is, sometimes it's frustrating being an American.

Summer's all over

Well, Labor Day was yesterday and while, yes, the end of summer is still technically three weeks away, Poindexter, we all know the first Monday of September is the real end of summer.

And with it, the culmination of Rob Predicts the Future! The first thing we learned was that maybe it wasn't as fun as we initially thought. The second thing we learned was that I'm not very good at predicting the future.

In conclusion, here are the results:

1. Gas prices did not hit $4.50 a gallon this summer. Which is a good thing. The closest they got was around $3.15.

2. "Pirates" is No.2 -- right behind "Spider-man 3" as the summer's biggest blockbuster. It has indeed been labeled a shiny cinematic turd that cost waaaaay too much money.

3. "Transformers" was surprisingly good and vaguely bad -- in that over-wrought Michael Bay kind of way. I loved the "Bourne Ultimatum" -- it was awesome and I never got around to seeing the "Simpsons."

4. I did not lose 10 pounds this summer. However, I did lose seven. Not bad for the first time I've consciously tried to lose weight. I'm still proudly and contentedly eating junk food, just not in the same quantities. Which could explain why I didn't lose 10 pounds.

5. And, of course, Erick and I never formed our band. That being said, he still plays the trumpet, I still play the guitar and friend Mike Williams is a closeted violin player. Chances are still good that we form a band. We could be Arcade Fire with one-tenth the members and none of the talent. We'd be awesome.


I don't want to leave you empty-handed so I'll quickly make fun of Zac Efron. Seems the least I can do since my six-year-old has recently been exposed to and now become obsessed with "High School Musical." If only she had watched "Them!!"

Anyway, this was pointed out by a co-worker. It seems when the "High School Musical" gravy train has passed Zac by, he can market himself as a cheaper, low-rent Jodie Foster for the next film she passes on. Of course, he's going to have to work on those arms: